Don't make out with my wife yet
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
