I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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