I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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