for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
