So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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