I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
