If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
