My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize