So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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