I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
