Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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