I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
