apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
