You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
