I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
