he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
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