just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
