he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
