The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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