I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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