we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize