I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
