She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
