there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
