Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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