physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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