You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
