It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
