i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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