I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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