erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
