I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
