All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
