I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
