You're completely useless in the revolution.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
