kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
