My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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