I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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