This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
