People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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