I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
