i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
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