Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
