I'll bet she douches with gravy.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
