We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
