I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
