My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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