YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
