when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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