My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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