Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
