so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
