He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
