I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
