Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
