I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
