Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
