I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
