Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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