he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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