porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
