so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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