You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
