You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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