worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
