it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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