You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
