mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
