Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
