okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
