He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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