I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
