garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
oh god the rape fog is back!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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