I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
