he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Someone signed my nipple.
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